Today's front page of USA Today had a lead article that fewer couples are getting married today. In fact, since 2000 there has been a 25% hike in couples opting to live together.
According to the article nationwide the average is 12% of couples in 2010, the most recent statistics, are living together. In Camden NJ 23 % of couples are living together and in Oakland 23%.
I'm a Christian counselor and pastor with a PhD in Pastoral Psychology. I've been advising people on relationship and marriage issues now for 21 years--so this is not news to me. I'm surprised that the percentage of couples living together is not higher!
I have a new book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage which is in the final stages for publication. It should be on Amazon and Barnes and Noble within a month.
You will be surprised to find out that I am very inclusive in my book. My first book which I wrote about 4 years ago mostly uses the term marriage throughout. In my new books the terms are relationship, long term relationship, and partners.
What do I say to couples living together? I encourage them to love each other and to watch out for resentment. I welcome them for counseling, for reading my book, or for chatting.
I do make the case for marriage, for making it formal, because I can see so many good reasons for it.
I also take the men aside and talk to them like a good senior mentor, and I tell them that a man must be 100% noble and honorable, and cannot even have the appearance of impropriety. I tell them that being 99% committed speaks volumes to his partner. She will sense at some deep unplumbed level (women sense such things) that he is not 100% committed.
Then the men say, but I am committed 100%. Then I remind them that by not being formally married, she may misinterpret your reticence as meaning that you don't love her completely and are still looking. 'Nuf said.
Your friend, Pastor Roland
